Tuesday, 21 January 2014

OGR: From Script to Screen

1 comment:

  1. OGR 23/01/2014

    Hey Kyle,

    There's a clarity to your thinking about this idea that impresses and I reckon you're nearly good to go with this - though as we discussed - the success of this story will come from the artfulness of its execution - the way you transition between events. I'm going to suggest that you actually look a little more at your Act 1 and your Act 2. For example, I don't think you need to waste any screen time beginning your story with your scientist character waking up - for 2 reasons:

    1) By introducing him as 'already anxious', you're unpicking some of the reveal of your character's past.
    2) Really, you could begin with him at the party already, and use the early part of ACT 1 to set him up as the loving grandfather at the party; just cut to the chase, in this respect. Establish the party from the get go.

    I do have some further suggestions. I think it would be easier for you - and for your audience - if the child was a boy and if he's playing with a brand new rocket toy he's been given by his mum and dad or by someone else at the party. So, you get us into the party right away; we see the elderly grandfather watching the child unwrap his presents - all is Norman Rockwell* perfect. The grandson unwraps a rocket toy - we see the effect this has on the grandfather - hence the beginning of the flashbacks. I can now imagine one of the flashbacks - in black and white - mirroring this 'unveiling of the rocket toy' - so perhaps in the flashback we see the grandfather 'unveiling' his plans to a room of politicians - for example. You can then have the boy playing with the rocket in the garden - roaring about - and this echoes the trajectory of the real rocket in the flashback sequences. It's just another way of tying things together for the audience. The reason why I think it should be a boy, is not a sexist view on girls not enjoying rockets, but rather because the idea of the grandfather seeing himself in the grandson's actions.

    In terms of ACT 3, I think you need to be very clear about what the last scene of the story is; it could be as simple as a tear tracking down the cheek of the old man in the garden; or, more dramatically, he could be seen to leave the party and walk out into the road; we could hear a squeal of breaks, the sound of someone being hit by a car - maybe this is too much, but I want you to think very carefully about how you're going to show the old man's horror.

    So - some additional references that might help you in terms of art direction: I mentioned Norman Rockwell:


    Rockwell depicted a perfect, domestic world of happy nostalgic families - I think you should be seeking to create something as 'perfect' as this, so that your flashbacks juxtapose chillingly.

    Also, some grim footage that inspire the look and execution of some of your flashback sequences: