Wednesday, 9 October 2013

OGR - Online Greenlight Review

1 comment:

  1. OGR 10/10/2013

    Hey Kyle,

    Well done on getting your first OGR up and published. A general observation would simply be that I think you could think more carefully about your design and presentation of the document itself. It's a bit 'scrappy' visually - take a bit more time about the way you present yourself, so think about type-face, size, alignment of text and image etc. For a good example of 'designed' OGR document, see link:

    Okay, so about your specific project stuff. Your visual concept of creating a sense of being 'over-whelmed' is good in terms of expressing the mood and message of the source novel, and you identify the ways you're going to do this - lots of detail, crowded compositions etc. Good! That said, your second thumbnail of the street - with its one-point perspective - actually achieves the opposite of this, in so much as that perspective cuts a clear path through the buildings, so it doesn't feel over-whelming, but rather very manageable! If you want to create a sense of 'congestion' then you need to obscure sight-lines - to wall your viewer in. You need to 'over-populate' the canvas, without giving your viewer avenues for escape or for day-light. You might also consider using a more expressionistic 'forced perspective', so that the viewer feels dwarfed by the buildings all around him. One of the observations you make is about how words and language itself become a maze or a labyrinth: have you thought about actually using letters and words as the basis for your architectural forms? I.e. that you literally build your complex city out of letter forms? For example;

    Notice too, how there is no 'sky' or escape from the structures in this image - it literally feels claustrophobic? You could try layering silhouettes of different letters in different typefaces etc. and then using those silhouettes to create architectural structures and cityscapes? In short, I just think you need to push your idea much more daringly: you make the link between being lost in the city and being lost in language - why not make that into visual concept more completely? A world literally constructed from strange and foreign words?

    In regard to your first thumbnail - I actually really like it - because in a way it comes closest of any of your thumbnails to creating the mood of your book, but the extract you've chosen doesn't actually describe a space - more of a situation. I'm going to suggest therefore, that you choose another actual environment in the book - but use the congestion and distortion of that thumbnail as encouragement to approach your scenes a bit more boldly.

    Finally - I'm not sure about the grafting of the Japanese characters onto your world; I suspect you're folding in an existing interest, as opposed to deriving it from your source novel. Of course, the idea of using multiple strange languages and letters out of which to create your world I've encouraged, but less so as mere signage, but rather more as the actual building blocks of your compositions - even the graveyard could be based around letter forms. You could, for instance, do something as take the word 'city' and then translate it into multiple different languages, and then layer up all those letter shapes to create the buildings, avenues, and structures of your animated Metropole... short version, time to get a bit more expressionistic and arty, Kyle. You were onto something with that first thumbnail, and now I think you could be bolder still :)